It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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