This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
