The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The police scanner is talking about you again....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
