Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
