so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize