omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have fence marks all over my body
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
