I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am naked and annoyed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
