Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
