I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
