all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I came so hard my ears popped.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
