You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
