she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
