my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
