I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
