Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
