Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize