The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
