so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
