I wish I could teleport
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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