I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
