I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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