3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
