Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
