Don't make out with my wife yet
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
