we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
