I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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