Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
