tell your sister to shave her snatch
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Holy shit dude........stairs
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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