This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
