Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
