In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just threw up on my dentist
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
