the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
