why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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