No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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