Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
