I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize