Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
