Moan for me like Helen Keller
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
