I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize