I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
