we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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