you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
