dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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