Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
