This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
