is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
