U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Still dying that you shit outside
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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