Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
