You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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