Will you blow on my dice?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize