He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
