After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize