Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
