he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize