I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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