Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
