is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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