i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
