he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
