So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
