Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
