there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
