Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
