If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
