I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
