Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize