alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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