But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
