pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
