i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
