Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
