When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
