Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
