why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
