We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
