come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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