eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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