I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
