Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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