we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Mom said you looked used
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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