Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
