Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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