Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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