Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Rumble strips road head = magical
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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