Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just high enough for therapy.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
