Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
