I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Watching her eat just hurts me
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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