Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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