We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i don't like sucking hair
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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